real world alert #4: FATALITY!

Today's news is both long-overdue and strangely linked to my distant past. The Chicago Tribune reports that Midway Games, makers of Mortal Kombat, filed for bankruptcy today.

Why does this matter to a clerk?

Well I'll tell you why.

Midway, best known for the Mortal Kombat series of games, had signaled in early December that it was likely to run into debt repayment problems, as former majority shareholder Sumner Redstone's sale of his 87 percent stake in the company triggered provisions in two series of Midway bonds that allowed creditors to ask for full repayment. The company secured extensions from its bondholders on those payments but ultimately decided to file for bankruptcy protection.

In late November, Redstone sold his 87 percent stake to Mark Thomas, a private investor, for $100,000 plus $70 million in debt.

That's right. Sumner Redstone, majority owner of Viacom and thus former boss-of-bosses of Blockbuster (back when it was owned by Paramount, which is owned by Viacom), just delivered an uppercut to the company which he once owned nearly 90motherfucking% of.

At one point, Redstone's lame-ass biography graced the shelves at Blockbusters. It was actually there in the months preceding 9/11, since that was when I worked there for the year that I did. “The Chairman,” the bad guy of this series whose name shall soon be spoken, is based off of Redstone.

It's reassuring to know that the economic horror I envisioned as a 17-year-old at the beginning of the Bush administration has finally come full-circle, just like I always told all my Republican-voting friends that it would.

Oh well.

real world alert #3: if I could fall into bankruptcy, do you think time would pass me by?

There is some justice in this psychotic world, as CNN reports.

Muzak, the corporation that has driven nametag-wearers worldwide to yearn for the sweet, sweet release of death since about 1936, filed for Chapter 11 yesterday.  These are the sons of whores who pump Elton John and whatever other worthless pop from the Top 40 lists of ten years ago over the PAs of stores the world over.

I personally recall a classmate approaching me while working at Walgreen's, telling me he didn't know how I could possibly cope.  In retrospect, I have no freaking idea how I ever did.

The sad part about this is that it isn't even the economy that's causing it.  Muzak's treasurers are just, putting it charitably, deadbeats:

Muzak's cash flows doubled in the last three years, [CEO Stephen] Villa said, "demonstrating that our business continues to perform well even in today's challenging environment."

The Chapter 11 protections will allow Muzak time to restructure the debt, which was incurred a decade ago, [a spokeswoman] said.

Great job, guys.  Is there a circle of hell for irritators?

real world alert #2: update schedule and comments

Okay, so it is now possible to leave comments without needing a gmail or blogger account, which is nice because seriously.

I'm out of town for the weekend and forgot to pack my laptop, so I'll be putting up another main story update as soon as I return. There's a possibility I put something together for the wiki this weekend. If that's the case I'll link to it.

I still need tales of retail terror, as per the post preceding this one. This is one area where I know people can help, so add your voice below.

real world alert: No Company For Old Walgreens

DEERFIELD, Ill. -- Walgreen's, the company on which I've modeled Patrick Lake's pharmacy (and whose internal paperwork will send any fluent user of the apostrophe into a paroxysm), has just lost the last member of the founder's family.

The woefully-mismanaged chain, which earlier this year announced it would cut 1,000 corporate jobs as part of a "Rewiring for Growth" plan, lost Kevin Walgreen this week, the great-grandson of founder Charles R. Walgreen.

It's worth it to mention that I worked at Walgreen's and it ranks among the worst jobs I've ever had for a variety of reasons. I have to hand it to them on this one, though, for alienating a guy who stocked the shelves as a young man and moved up through the company that his family built and carried through every economic turbulence of the 20th century and beyond.

The Chicago Tribune reports that he's not too keen on talking about it, either:

Walgreen, 45, left his post as senior vice president of store operations of the southern region for "personal reasons," according company spokesman Michael Polzin.

Kevin Walgreen, who gave his notice last week, told Polzin that he didn't want to comment further on his departure.

Blockbuster instilled me with my hatred of customers, but Walgreen's instilled me with my hatred of management, and the fact Kevin Walgreen left on the heels of 1,000 people getting axed from corporate seems to indicate he doesn't like the way things are being run. There is always the possibility he's quitting for something like a health concern or a family concern, but I'm not sure how likely that is considering his very DNA is composed of Walgreen's stock.

[An aside: I really must see about Patrick encountering a customer who huffily says he's a shareholder and having Patrick nod as if paying attention before pulling the Nagant and just blowing the guy's head off.]

In defense of the company, however, I have to say I'm pleased that they decided to lay off useless corporate leeches who sit around investing the company's liquid assets disastrously and/or coming up with bogus new sales strategies. After all, they could've fired a giant swath of clerks who actually do the work that keeps the whole miserable company running.

Considering they probably aborted several pensioned yes-men who were only days away from ending Walgreen's streak as the only chain store without some inane membership card that clerks are forced to push on customers, we should probably thank Walgreen's upper management and wish Kevin Walgreen (who many Walgreen's employees I know have actually met personally and, by the way, attest that he seems a sincere gentleman) good fortune for him and his family, and security in his future career.